So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
