I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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