guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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