while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
