don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
