I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
