I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we're so committed to being not committed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
