There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
