Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize