I wanna bring you to show and tell
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
