Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
