i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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