Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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