Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
