My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
