I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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