She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
