He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
