come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I still have a little drunk in my system
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
