Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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