New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize