atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
