Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
