No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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