This girl is more easily done than said...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize