When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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