Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
