Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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