No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
