Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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