Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
