I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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