the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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