i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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