So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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