I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
