last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize