remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
