I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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