you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
