chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
