Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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