So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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