I think I am morally bankrupt
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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