No more Irish car bombs ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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