I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
