Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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