We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
