I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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