wat bout pragnant strippers??
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
