Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
