you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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