It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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