Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize