Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
