So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
