Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
