Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
