my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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