I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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