I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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