Can Purell be used as lube?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
